Ancilla L

The Many Layers of "I Own Your Body".

SeI bought my first black dress for the occasion. It was one of those dresses that wraps around you and you tie into a bow at the back. It was shorter than most clothes I wore at the time and cut low enough that my mother wasn't sure whether she s...

All I Said Was No.

My ex had a serious issue with the word no. I was fifteen when we started dating and the first thing he told me was that I could never, not ever, say no to him. I can't say I was an innocent, naive teenager, because the truth is that I wasn't, I w...

On Pushing The Boundaries Of Your Partner.

Recently I read a post that got me thinking about boundaries and pushing them. The writer, quite rightly, pointed out that we make challenging limits and pushing boundaries seem like a wondrous state that we should all aspire towards es...

Podcast E8: Writing for Pay and Online Bullying

Hello mes amis!

In my least digressive episode yet, I take the fun out of good news and use a sombre tone to talk about something great happening to me. 

I know. 

But online harassment is a weird beast, and I wanted to ...

The Real Allure Of BDSM.

My least favourite thing about conventional sex, especially conventional heterosexual sex, is how little time it takes. Even if it's the kind of sex that doesn't just involve penetration and seven minutes of customary foreplay, it still doesn't ev...

The Shoe-Shine Girl.

"Sir," someone said to me while I sat on the bench reading my newspaper, "Would you like your shoes shined?"

I looked up to see a young woman. She was short but her face was beginning to show the lines of having been around long enough to kn...

13 Men Who Bought Me: C2: The One Who Wanted To Buy Innocence.

Note: This is a series. The prologue can be found here and the catalogue of all the posts is 2021-07-27 11:49:27 +0000 UTC View Post

Where Is The Line With Erotica?

I have a very dramatic friend who likes to invoke the stories of Sadat Manto and then loudly proclaim that discourse is dead. Actually, I have sixteen of that friend but they're all journalists so, forgive me, my sample is skewed (since we're pret...

I Want To Show You My Pussy.

"Please look at me," I beg him as the chains around my wrists rattle against the headboard, "I beg you, please look at how wet my pussy is, master."

It doesn't make as much sense as it should, I can't even really see him look but I can fee...

For Me, The Term "Daddy" Had Everything To Do With My Father.

(this is not about incest). 

I could use many adjectives to describe my father but I have a story that does it better. Five years ago, it was his sixtieth birthday and on occasion of his sixtieth birthday he was worki...

Playing Dress-Up.

She brought me to a clothing store. Well, it looked like a clothing store but there was no big sign outside and we went in through a door in the back. On the inside it looked a lot more like a store. There were no shelves but there were racks with...

And Then I Was His Slut.

"How do I...." I was trying to phrase the question in a way that was least embarrassing to me, "What do I...say to him?"

I was playing coy. A little bit because I couldn't really believe what he was telling me to do and a little b...

Podcast E7: Efficiency and Getting Turned On By The Inappropriate

Welcome! 

I know that I am a little bit late on this one but I address that at unnecessary length in the podcast. This week I talk about getting turned on by efficiency and also the morally-ambiguous, and of course I constantly digress ...

The Pussy Slave.

She was sitting very still on the sofa.

Just sitting. Why can't we ever just be sitting? Why must we always have our legs sensually draped over the arm of the couch?

She was just sitting there. Still. Contemplative. Nervous.
2021-07-15 10:29:17 +0000 UTC View Post

I Tried To Be A Good Girl, Mommy.

I scrubbed the floors and fluffed the pillows, mommy. 

I know you don't like the mess. 

Or the dirt. 

Inside our little house. 

And so I swept the floor. ...

Every Collar Can Be Discarded.

In the morning he seems like a different person. The wind blows in through the open windows and even underneath the blanket, I shiver. He pulls me closer and tucks me in before placing my head back on his shoulder. I am barely awake but...

Podcast: E6: Gender and A Geography Lesson

Welcome! 

On this week's podcast I talk about an insane professor, sexism (I know!), y inability to do two things at once with my mouth and then deliver an impromptu lecture on the geography (and polity) of my country centred on where I...

Relationships Are Only As Dangerous As The People In Them.

My ex and I did not have a well established dynamic of any kind however we did have a choice few rules that were indicative of our dynamic. One of those rules was that I don't say no to anything he tells me to do or endure. Basically, I don't say ...

Marked By Pain.

As yet unscarred. Mostly. Unbroken. Mostly. His fingers in my heart and his breath on my soul. Me living, six feet under the ground and me dying, six feet above it. 

I'm going to hurt you so much, he said. 

2021-07-04 07:40:38 +0000 UTC View Post

Podcast E5: Technical Challenges, Patience and Condoms.

Welcome! 

Today's episode brings you a whole lot of nonsense, a realisation that I say the phrase 'I feel' way too much and a discussion on talking to kids about sex and condoms! 

Enjoy. 

13 Men Who Bought Me: C1: The One Who Tried To Own Red.

Note: This is a series. The prologue can be found here. The second chapter will be posted next week. These pieces can be read as standalone pieces but you...

The Nose-Ring On The Floor.

I know it's over when he moves away from me and starts looking for my nose ring on the floor. It's always the first thing he does when it's over, he refuses to look at me without jewellery in my nose, and that suits me well, I have a little bit of...

Something I Lost In The Woods.

He always reminds me of boiled chicken and always has. Everything about him feels, looks and smells like it. His skin, especially the skin on his face, hangs in weird pouches and make it seem it he's been bouncing around in a pot of water for year...

Podcast E4: City Noise and Dating Apps

Hello! 

Welcome to But, That's Not My Point!

Today's podcast is delivered in a strange tone with an ongoing stream of self-discovery, and incessant questions asked of no one in particular (but do feel free to answer if ...

Feminism, Femininity, Fingernails and Fragility.

Despite the years I've spent talking about it, practising it, reading about it, wondering about it and arguing about it, I still couldn't tell what I think submission is. I could try but I suspect the only words I will elicit would be empty clichÃ...

Dolls Don't Do That.

He put ruby slippers on my feet before he sat me down against the hard wood. My back perfectly straight and my legs perfectly still. He left me there for a few hours. Or maybe it was a few minutes. It doesn't matter. Time is not a concept I'm priv...

Podcast E3: Abortions and Extra-Marital Affairs

Welcome to the third episode of my podcast!

I'm visiting my hometown and I recorded this one on the roof of my home while facing snow-capped mountains after a day of hiking and river-baths, don't worry though, I don't think it has that ele...

We Were Only Real Among The Clouds.

It was about to rain. I could smell it coming. We were at least ten kilometers away from our campsite and I had no idea how we had even gotten to this particular peak. As the clouds were descending and the white nothingness was flowing through us,...

Five Days of Winter.

The streets were quieter than they would have been a few months ago. That is the effect the winter has on our home. Everything goes silent. The infant's howl is replaced with the wind. The rustling of the leaves is replaced with the flapping of co...

13 Men Who Bought Me: Prologue

Note: This is a series. This is the first piece of the series, the prologue, and thirteen chapters, and an epilogue, will follow past this point. While you can read these as standalone pieces, you will get the best out of them if you read them in ...