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Ancilla L

Ancilla L

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Ancilla L posts

Mommy's Little Slave Girls.


“I’ll be back in a few hours,” said mommy as she zipped her black leather jacket.


From the corner of my eye I could see my ersatz sister, as she popped her head up over the back of the couch to wave goodbye. She had been painti...

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The Girl Who Bullies Me.

The waistband of my underwear is pulled up so high it rests right underneath my breasts. She grips the fabric on the front inside her fist and pulls, forcing the bunched up gusset to cut against my clitoris. 

“Does this make you uncom...

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The Things We Hated Together.

It was the ugliest colour you can imagine, like a blue crayon had melted into an orange one and combined into an abomination that green should never be. I don't know why anyone would build themselves a house and paint it that colour. It struck me ...

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Podcast E43: Trauma Can Make You A Worse Person

I talk a lot about the emotional and sexual impacts of trauma but today I talk about the social impacts of it, and they're not all great. 

Enjoy!

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Two Men In My Bed.


He kisses my head before he turns over to his back and instantly falls asleep. It's not a tender kiss, it's not a cruel one either, it's a kiss that tells me he feels sorry for me. I understand why, I feel sorry for myself as well. I have said...

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The Luckiest Girl In The World.



He kisses me, on my lips,  before he excuses himself and goes to get me the glass of wine for which I just expressed desire. I am standing in a group of older women. I don't know them very well and they don't know me at all, but it's ...

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Your Love Is A Metaphor.



It is possible that the version of you that I see doesn't exist. I exalt you. To my eyes, you are practically ethereal, there is no creature like you. I could make a list of things about you that endear you to me, but it's not about that, ...

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My Favourite Quotes From Songs This Year.



I have really gotten into old Indian classical music, ghazals and such, especially the Urdu ones (I really have to learn this language), the lyrics are so fucking beautiful. I want to write about the music itself but until I do so, here ar...

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Podcast E42: The Gender of Strength and Content Creation

Hi! 

For my last podcast of the year I talk about...well, it's hard to say. The following things are discussed: 

- The impact of gender on strength and its understanding. 

- Discipline for creatives. 

- ...

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13 Lessons From A Morally-Wounded Woman: Chapter 11

Read all the chapters at this tag. 

.....

Chapter 11 

There is a world of happiness to...

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She Used Me At The Hotel.

For weeks, I had been going to bed completely drained. Something happens a few months into the excess of denial, the constant arousal moves from just my cunt into my brain, and at the back of it, I feel drunk all the time. Every day, I desire thin...

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Sex Work Is A Conversation.




As I take a puff, I can taste my own past in my mouth. I haven't smoked this brand of cigarettes in years, eight-years, I think, if memory serves me well. And it does, doesn't it? Memory *serves*. What was it that Victor Hugo said? *In...

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Show Me Your Pussy.

I have come to dread the anticipation of the nightly ring emanating from my computer. Time seems to have become warped. From the start of my day until five in the evening it seems to trudge, I can feel each second on the clock passing, announcing ...

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Submission and Emotion.




It is always amazing to me when I meet people who are able to be openly emotional. Like my mother, for example, when she is annoyed by my sister cracking her knuckles, she shows it and says it. When my sister is upset, she cries and sh...

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How Sizdah Paid For Her Abortion.




“You’re late again,” I told Sizdah as I climbed into the passenger seat of her car, “Just once, bitch, just once I would like you to be on time.”

She laughed and waved her hand at me, not just to dismiss my words but t...

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Podcast E42: Feminism, Parenting and Going Back To School Yet Again.

Hi! 

I am really into the podcast this month. Two episodes in the less than a week! This one is about..well, life. It's about women's relationships with women. It's about going back to school over the age of 30. It's about family. It's ...

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I Cannot Be Your Little Girl Anymore.



I've always been wary of identifying as a little. That childlike state of being has never been my forte, honestly, even when I was an actual little girl, I found it a distasteful fit on myself. I realise that little-identity and dynamics t...

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Madness.



There was a time when a man locked me up in a room and made me listen to the same song hundreds of times, until I started to lose it and began befriending crickets. I fought for my sanity for a long time, but the longer he finagled me to s...

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Podcast E41: Gender and The Politics Of Clothing.

In changing how I dress, I have come to question how I define my gender, how the world sees our definitions of our genders and how all of that is political. 


Enjoy! 

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The White Shoes.

I sent her the box hours before I arrived at her place, but it sat, seemingly untouched, on top of the dining table when I arrived.  As I got out of my shoes and jacket, she emerged from the bedroom. She was wearing a white dress, it had a bi...

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Loving A Storyteller.

Every time I think of her, I remember her by a different name. There are a few things I know about her that are concrete in my memory. She is a tattooist, she has light grey eyes, her septum is pierced, she likes tarot cards, she likes to colour h...

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Photo-Set: Knives.

Nine thousands words right there. 

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It's All About The Little Things.


Her face was cut off in the picture but I could see her tits quite clearly. She was holding them in her hands and her  finger-nails dug into the skin, just a little bit. As I scrolled through the shots, I noticed him come into the frame. ...

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Podcast E40: Is Edge Play Really Worth It?

Hi!

In a much more morose tone than usual, I discuss the long-term effects of chasing intensity and edges. The ones we tend not to talk about.

Enjoy!

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Photo-Set: Chains.

I am trying something new. Posting some erotic visual art to see how this goes.  Let me know what you think of this new endeavor. 

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Can I Be Mad At You As Your Slave?


I didn't know I still had it in me to be angry, like enthusiasm and excitement I thought I had left that emotion balled up in the corner of a room, like a beloved shirt-turned-rag at the end of its life, as I moved out of my apartment, but it ...

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My Annual Trip To The Dating Apps: A Review



The last time I checked into the dating world, a few things were different. Hinge was the most popular dating app at the time (and it appears not to have derailed as severely as Tinder) and sapiosexuality appeared to be in decline. A year ...

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A Violent Hour In Reverse.


I open my eyes really wide, as if that will help me see more clearly. As if that will help me see something new; something I wasn't seeing before. I don't see any more than before, though, maybe I even see less. I see an ending. It's hard to p...

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Podcast E39: No Nut November and Punishment.

To the surprise of no one, something about NNN bothers me and I am unable to see it (nor do I think it is) as benign as all the memes make it seem, but that's a lot of BDSM things innit (which, I know, is not what NNN is)? Punishment, for example,...

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13 Lessons From A Morally-Wounded Woman: Chapter 10

Read all the posts here. 

.....

Chapter 10
“The only way to respect your womanhood is to do what yo...

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