Nostalgic and Bitter Memories of Her First Boy - The Film Student, #39 - An Erotic Horror Story

It was too late, and Kyoko was too drunk, to drive. So was Josh--he would have puked all over her car--and she didn't want that. So, the two of them fell asleep in the cabin, thoroughly worn out from their crazy evening together.

Kyoko felt nostalgia in this cabin. She had fond memories there. Moreover, she felt nostalgia stemming from her play with Josh. 

Whenever she met a new boy, she always thought back to her first. Rick. Unconsciously, she compared them. And, even if her new boy, Josh, was objectively better than Rick by most measures, there was always a sentimental attachment to that first boy.

He was the one who taught her everything. Perhaps--probably--she would have figured it out on her own eventually. But as a virgin it felt so good to be able to feel that warmth between her legs,   heat from the boy's face, his breath, his tongue lapping at her concealed treasure...

She had never had to deal with a violent, control freak boy trying to assert his power over her. She had heard the horror stories from other girls--stories of girls being choked, filmed, threatened, being forced to swallow ejaculate and getting nothing in return. 

Rick had done his job and never demanded anything in return. And so did her later boys. From Rick, she had learned her worth, and she wouldn't let any other guy think he was superior to her. Just the opposite. Why were guys staring at her, drooling over her, fantasizing her but scared to talk to her? She didn't have any problem talking with them. She could throw them away and replace them with anyone she wanted. Any respectable guy worth spending time with could be trained to worship and please her. There weren't any guys she looked at and felt she needed to have.

But there were many guys who felt they needed to have her. Those guys were typically the ones she wanted to stay as far away from as possible. Those were the guys who wore fancy jewelry, who illegally parked their fathers' BMWs in handicapped spots, who talked like they were gods but then cursed her when she turned away from them. If they were so hot, so desirable, if they could get any girl they wanted, like they said, why were they so mad when they couldn't get her? 

She'd never gotten so attached to the boys she was pursuing. If, for whatever reason, some boy denied her (it hadn't happened yet), she wouldn't be mad about it. Because she knew she could find someone better.

Clearly, she was the higher-value person in those social transactions.

That could, should, be true for most women. If women embrace their feminine power and use it to their advantage, they will always have the upper hand on doglike males. It takes too many too long to figure it out. It's too difficult to escape the overlapping prisons society has created to enslave women. For many women, it's too late--they end up married to overcompensating losers, saddled down with kids, unsatisfied, depressed with their lives...

Rick helped her bypass all of that. Helped her figure out her value when she was still young.

Still, there was something, discomfiting about her relationship with Rick. He was the one who led the way. He was the one who told her to facesit him for the first time. He was the one who picked the restaurants, the dates, and everything. He was the one leading. She was the one being led. Even if he was leading her to be "dominant," he was ultimately in control most of the time. Leading from underneath her. 

She didn't like the way it ended, either. She'd made a fool of herself crying on that bus platform. She'd acted like she needed him more than he needed her. He'd thrown her away like she was disposable. Like he'd been playing with her temporarily while he was young, while he was tasting Japan.

And, hell, here he still was dominating her dreams.

If she could meet him again... 

If she could meet him again, she knew she could do it differently. She could make him obsessed over her. She could make him worship her. She could make him go insane with desire. She could fuck up his mind. She could reverse the situation, forget about him, and make him never forget about her. Until his last breath.